I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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