The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
