I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
