Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize