took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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