I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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