Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize