I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
