I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
