I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
