At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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