Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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