wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
