we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
