Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
