I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
