Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
