Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
