Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
