My friends, they love my intelligence
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
