oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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