I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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