Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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