i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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