so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
