yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
