My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The air taste purple.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
