I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
