worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
