made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
