is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
