his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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