Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
