the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
