He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
