we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
