I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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