I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
