im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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