Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
