So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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