They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
