I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize