Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
