I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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