My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
