You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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