My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
