he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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