this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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