I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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