nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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