I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
