I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just googled if crying burns calories
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
