wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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