why didn't you poke me back
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Those nachos came to me in a dream
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
