If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
