well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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