TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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