woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
