apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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