i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
