help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
