Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
