You can't special order awesome
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
