dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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