I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
