Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Terrible idea I love it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
