I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
